How did I feel knowing that I drank and did drugs, yet Bill was the one who went into Rehab? As the intervention I had planned unfolded, I believe I was unaware of what this really meant. My basic thought at the time was that I wanted to save Bill’s life.
It had become obvious even to me that he was out of control. I knew he was drinking the whole time I was at work. He was driving to the liquor store and bars under the influence and it seemed only a matter of time before something tragic would happen. I, however, was still able to go to work and I had taken control of everything I could in a desperate attempt to prove that everything was okay in my house. It seemed apparent to me, Bill, and everyone else that I had no problem with drugs or alcohol, therefore, I did not need rehab though Bill certainly did. I hoped that if he could regain control, we could get back to our lives and continue to use drugs and alcohol moderately. All my problems would be solved.
When I went for the family program at the treatment center, I learned quite a different story. First the family counselor believed that I might have a problem with substances, although not as far advanced as Bill’s, and that I might begin to do something about it. Far from it—I was very angry and defiant but promised that I would go to a few meetings and quit using to prove my “no-problem” status. As I attended the meetings, I began to identify with others there and began to recognize my own problems as well as have a desire to recover myself.
I did have a strong resentment and jealousy that Bill received so much attention and focus on his problems at the treatment center. I soon realized that while I did have a problem, I did not require detoxification; I was able to quit indulging in the substances fairly easily (even though it was uncomfortable). I did receive plenty of loving attention from my sponsor and others in the fellowship.
I have come to realize that although my path to a spiritual awakening is different from Bill’s, my journey is just as valid and vital. My sponsor would say to me, “You can’t have his spiritual awakening, you must have your own”. I have found this to be absolutely true in my experience.
We all have very different experiences, that is why “Dig Deep in One Place” tells our experiences in the hope that many others will identify and start to find their own path to a spiritual awakening.