Bill & Sandy Fifield Artist - Authors - Speakers

Don’t Miss the Miracle!

 At first I missed the miracle because it wasn’t what I wanted. All the cancer was supposed to be gone. When this wasn’t the case I was disappointed and frustrated. It took a minute to actually sink in. “What did you say? What were the results?” The cancer was stopped in its tracks. There was no new growth and what there was had receded by ¼ to ½ . The doctor couldn’t believe it. For the first time since we met she brightened up. She smiled and almost hugged me. She seemed shocked by the outcome of the PET scan. Her experience is that the usual outcome for cancer like mine is 180° from what we were now seeing. A medical miracle!

For some reason the universe wants me on the love boat for four more rounds of chemo. I may or may not find out that reason but I have found out that if I participate with joy, the outcome is always positive. A positive action cannot have a negative result; that’s the law.

Once again I am startled by my expectations. How long before I can let what is just be? What a great adventure! As I practice creating a space between myself and my reaction to events; I am amazed at how everything that enters my life is for my benefit. This understanding is starting to enter my heart and is changing everything. To joyfully and willingly receive what comes is not my first thought; it was not even possible until I started to wake up. Read More

Is There Help For My Fear?

Fear is an instinct, not a character defect. It seems to be a part of the human condition package everyone gets at birth consisting of sex, security, society and the search for spirituality or meaning of life. Our primal fears make sense, sort of, they are: fear of starving, fear of freezing, and fear of being eaten. The chances of any of this happening today are pretty slim although possible.

The 12 Steps helped to uncover some of my other basic driving fears; fears that rule my life. When I am in fear I cannot be any further into myself. What I uncovered in the recovery process is the fear that I am not enough. It became a self-fulfilling prophesy. I gathered evidence for this lie in every area of my life.

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“The Beginnings of an Awakening”

How did I feel knowing that I drank and did drugs, yet Bill was the one who went into Rehab?  As the intervention I had planned unfolded, I believe I was unaware of what this really meant.  My basic thought at the time was that I wanted to save Bill’s life.

It had become obvious even to me that he was out of control. I knew he was drinking the whole time I was at work.  He was driving to the liquor store and bars under the influence and it seemed only a matter of time before something tragic would happen.  I, however, was still able to go to work and I had taken control of everything I could in a desperate attempt to prove that everything was okay in my house.  It seemed apparent to me, Bill, and everyone else that I had no problem with drugs or alcohol, therefore, I did not need rehab though Bill certainly did.  I hoped that if he could regain control, we could get back to our lives and continue to use drugs and alcohol moderately.  All my problems would be solved.

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